Posted in March 2013

28. Glutton for Punishment

28. Glutton for Punishment

I admit it!  I totally cheated.  I went to the same place twice.  I don’t know if I stated it or not, but I try not to repeat any of the 100.  I just couldn’t help it.  You would think that it’s easy to work at a job that you know you’re going to leave … Continue reading

27. Involuntary Vomit

27. Involuntary Vomit

First thing’s first. I’ve got to get this off my chest. Good grief! The gym is truly a sexy place. I had no idea. I guess I knew on some level because sitcoms allude to the sexual energy in the gym. I’m not a gym person so I didn’t really understand how treadmills, heavy weights, … Continue reading

26.  I Hate Traveling!

26. I Hate Traveling!

I really do hate it.  I don’t understand why people include traveling as a plus in online dating bois and “witty” cocktail conversations.  Traveling sucks! Once upon I time, when I was trying to fit into Carrie Bradshaw’s shoes, I went to Japan.  I was so convinced that in order to be just like Carrie I … Continue reading

25. Seeking Goof, Lewd, and Beauty

25. Seeking Goof, Lewd, and Beauty

One of the first times I visited the Smithsonian Art Museum I saw this painting by Alexis Rockman.  I fell in love with it.  I had to stop myself from tripping over the wire protecting it from people like me who mean well, but end up gawking for so long we fall into a trance.  … Continue reading

24. Capitulating to Archaism

24. Capitulating to Archaism

I’m embarking on a new lifestyle.  Done with capitalism.  Moving to a farm to live on the land.  Becoming one with earth and soil.  Hugging trees.  Good bye iPhone, computer, Kindle, and cable television…All of this is b*llsh#t speak for I’m broke now.  I haven’t felt the full effect of my new brokedom because technically, … Continue reading

I’m not pregnant.  I’m just fat.

I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat.

I cackled like a lunatic in the company cafeteria.  It was common of me whenever I dined with the ever so fabulous Ken.  As he told me the latest calamity he used theatrical nuances, and tousled small bits of frosted war hawk with manicured, polished fingertips.  He tried to keep it as masculine as possible, in … Continue reading

Horror Story

Horror Story

The black cocktail dress was cliché but appropriate.  Dena thumbed the pearls fastened around her neck as she sighed, and looked towards the full length mirror.  She didn’t want to go but forced herself to oblige her husband.  She met him at the venue since he was coming directly from the hospital. Words the doctor slung … Continue reading

100 Places on 100 Cents

100 Places on 100 Cents

Metro ride: $3.98 Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial visit: $0 Living in a city that affords me the opportunities to carry out goals beyond vibrators, wine & television: PRICELESS I have decided to double back.  I’m starting a brand new career path, or should I say, tax bracket.  I am recent-graduate-out-of-college broke.  While I am … Continue reading

22. Elephant Dung

22. Elephant Dung

Have you ever been forced to participate in one of those painful icebreakers?  You know, the kind that finds you babbling about why you would be reincarnated as a certain animal.  I always say cheetah, panther, or lioness.  I am so full of it. During my zoo trip all of the cats were so boring.  They wrapped … Continue reading

21. Poor Little Spoiled Girl

21. Poor Little Spoiled Girl

Standing at the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial I am reminded of humility.  I have been moping around like some poor little spoiled girl.  I know that life experiences are relative.  I can’t excuse, however, the way I have been pouting. It is not as if I’m a protester fighting vicious dogs turned on me … Continue reading