Tagged with humor

36.  Nerd Lust

36. Nerd Lust

It’s  amazing to me how much I’ve changed since I’ve been sober.  The activities that used to be super exciting currently lull me to boredom.  The other day I went to an office mandated happy hour at what used to be my favorite restaurant.  I know the hostess, bartenders, and wait staff by first name.  … Continue reading

32.  Velvet Roped DC

32. Velvet Roped DC

I was looking raggedy and tattered.  Wearing funky and sweaty workout clothes I casually decided to make my way around to the Cororan Gallery of Art.  I recalled an advertisement I saw in the City Paper about an exhibit centered on Washington, DC subculture of the 1980s.  I checked the paper handy in my bag … Continue reading

29. Blingin’ Disheveled Zombie

29. Blingin’ Disheveled Zombie

I screamed when I saw the emailed offer letter.  I was willing to do anything.  I would scoop monkey poop if I had to.  No matter what, never again would I cross that familiar threshold, like I had every morning for the past three years. It was time for a new job, even if I had … Continue reading

28. Glutton for Punishment

28. Glutton for Punishment

I admit it!  I totally cheated.  I went to the same place twice.  I don’t know if I stated it or not, but I try not to repeat any of the 100.  I just couldn’t help it.  You would think that it’s easy to work at a job that you know you’re going to leave … Continue reading

27. Involuntary Vomit

27. Involuntary Vomit

First thing’s first. I’ve got to get this off my chest. Good grief! The gym is truly a sexy place. I had no idea. I guess I knew on some level because sitcoms allude to the sexual energy in the gym. I’m not a gym person so I didn’t really understand how treadmills, heavy weights, … Continue reading

25. Seeking Goof, Lewd, and Beauty

25. Seeking Goof, Lewd, and Beauty

One of the first times I visited the Smithsonian Art Museum I saw this painting by Alexis Rockman.  I fell in love with it.  I had to stop myself from tripping over the wire protecting it from people like me who mean well, but end up gawking for so long we fall into a trance.  … Continue reading

24. Capitulating to Archaism

24. Capitulating to Archaism

I’m embarking on a new lifestyle.  Done with capitalism.  Moving to a farm to live on the land.  Becoming one with earth and soil.  Hugging trees.  Good bye iPhone, computer, Kindle, and cable television…All of this is b*llsh#t speak for I’m broke now.  I haven’t felt the full effect of my new brokedom because technically, … Continue reading

I’m not pregnant.  I’m just fat.

I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat.

I cackled like a lunatic in the company cafeteria.  It was common of me whenever I dined with the ever so fabulous Ken.  As he told me the latest calamity he used theatrical nuances, and tousled small bits of frosted war hawk with manicured, polished fingertips.  He tried to keep it as masculine as possible, in … Continue reading

100 Places on 100 Cents

100 Places on 100 Cents

Metro ride: $3.98 Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial visit: $0 Living in a city that affords me the opportunities to carry out goals beyond vibrators, wine & television: PRICELESS I have decided to double back.  I’m starting a brand new career path, or should I say, tax bracket.  I am recent-graduate-out-of-college broke.  While I am … Continue reading

20. Soothing Short Bus Panic

20. Soothing Short Bus Panic

Years ago, when I was a teacher, my class was divided into reading groups.  When I met with the lowest reading group we read a version of Jack and Jill.  I followed up with comprehension questions.  I asked why Jill followed Jack and tumbled down the hill.  The girl laying on the table letting drool escape from her … Continue reading

19. Illuminated Chihuahua Trauma

19. Illuminated Chihuahua Trauma

I wish I was smiling like this woman when the doctor handed me this light crushing film to affix to my face. I looked back up at her and she gave me the what-did-you-expect look. I wasn’t expecting Versace shades, but sheesh. How could I walk down the street wearing these? I may have been … Continue reading

18.5 Me and Mr. Thomasville

18.5 Me and Mr. Thomasville

I’m having an affair.  It’s been going on for a while.  Since I quit drinking is has gotten serious.  It was a blah Wednesday evening. Rain pelted and exploded on my windshield attempting to slow me down.  I mashed the gas with my stilettoed heel.  Minivans and Priuses swerved out of my way as if they … Continue reading

18. Epic Proportions

18. Epic Proportions

This was such an epic fail that it took me two weeks to write about it . I had a couple of options.  The first stripped Super Bowl down to a Beyonce concert.  My husband imagined my friends and I swinging pillows at each other, dressed in pink printed flannel pajamas.  According to him, we … Continue reading

15.  Dodging Va Jay Jay

15. Dodging Va Jay Jay

My husband has long fingers and strong hands.  They are perfect for kneading tension out of shoulders. Despite the perfect niche for his hands he leaves me whining like a baby for the smallest bit of attention to my back. I decided to take matters into my own hands.  (Not literally :-) I have tried to massage myself … Continue reading

ProSEXtination

ProSEXtination

Bow chicka wow ow! Two to three times a year my job gets so overwhelming that I have no choice but to work on the weekend – A top ten Anna no no. Here is what proSEXtination used to look like: By Friday, I would stock up red wine and drink half of it.  Before my … Continue reading

Monster Under the Sink

Monster Under the Sink

I was delighted by the smell of bleach.  Bathrooms.  Check!  Newspaper trick my husband taught me plus Windex equals a streak free mirror.  I’ve got the foyer smelling like pine. Only one thing left.  The stove top could benefit from some Lysol.  Just a short reach under the kitchen sink and I’ll be done cleaning for … Continue reading

6. Dashing Through Red Ribbons

6. Dashing Through Red Ribbons

So…I’m not one to brag but I used to be a track star.  When I ran I was in a zone.  That zone propelled me past my competitors on light feet.  After the first 300 meters I really hit my stride and glided down the last straightaway.  The form and coolness in my clenching muscles … Continue reading