Years ago, when I was a teacher, my class was divided into reading groups. When I met with the lowest reading group we read a version of Jack and Jill. I followed up with comprehension questions. I asked why Jill followed Jack and tumbled down the hill. The girl laying on the table letting drool escape from her … Continue reading
I wish I was smiling like this woman when the doctor handed me this light crushing film to affix to my face. I looked back up at her and she gave me the what-did-you-expect look. I wasn’t expecting Versace shades, but sheesh. How could I walk down the street wearing these? I may have been … Continue reading
The crowd in the super dome quiets. Anticipation hangs like a frothy cloud. Anything that happens next could send the fans to their feet hollering, cheering, and crying like all of their dreams are about to come true. The stage lights up and floods the darkness with red and bright streams of light. Dancers wait … Continue reading
I’m having an affair. It’s been going on for a while. Since I quit drinking is has gotten serious. It was a blah Wednesday evening. Rain pelted and exploded on my windshield attempting to slow me down. I mashed the gas with my stilettoed heel. Minivans and Priuses swerved out of my way as if they … Continue reading
This was such an epic fail that it took me two weeks to write about it . I had a couple of options. The first stripped Super Bowl down to a Beyonce concert. My husband imagined my friends and I swinging pillows at each other, dressed in pink printed flannel pajamas. According to him, we … Continue reading
They used to tank cod from Alaska all the way to China. They’d keep them in vats in the ship. By the time the codfish reached China, the flesh was mush and tasteless. So this guy came up with the idea that if you put these cods in these big vats, put some catfish in … Continue reading
It was Saturday morning. As I came out of sleep I felt adjusted and rested. I blinked my eyes slowly until the red glare receded into three zeros preceded by one. WTF! How could it be 10 AM already? I barely make it to 8 AM most weekends without my eyes automatically popping open. If … Continue reading
Sienna theories and paradigm shifts. Afroduplicidous societal reform. Eckiness arch counteracts the economic theory of punitive damages. What? I checked my watch. It was 3:30 PM. I had been at Starbucks since 11:30 AM. Jeez! I don’t understand what I am reading. For the love of Bob! I have an advanced degree. It seems that every … Continue reading
I was late to the meeting. I told her that I needed five more minutes to wrap up a report I was working on. She smiled and obliged me. Of course she let me take my time. She smiled patiently as I got comfortable in the leather seat opposite her at the conference table. It … Continue reading
At one of my favorite pasta chains I looked through the window and saw this sign. Ok, ok, I get it. How ironic is it that I didn’t get it six months ago when I stumbled home after my pasta bowl and usual three glasses of wine. Later, I lost my dinner in the toilet. … Continue reading
Many responded in different ways to the battering ram wearing on the hinges of the front double doors. Some started dumping mounds of paper into gigantic paper shredders. Others started to click away furiously on computer keyboards. With every keystroke evidence slipped away like sand. One woman started crying. I looked through the frosted window … Continue reading
My husband has long fingers and strong hands. They are perfect for kneading tension out of shoulders. Despite the perfect niche for his hands he leaves me whining like a baby for the smallest bit of attention to my back. I decided to take matters into my own hands. (Not literally :-) I have tried to massage myself … Continue reading
I had few minutes in-between sliding file folders from the left to right side of my desk. I let the handset lay limply between my ear and shoulder. I was barely paying attention to the phone call as I sloppily attempted to multitask. Somehow I was able to respond to the prompts. The automated lady … Continue reading
Bow chicka wow ow! Two to three times a year my job gets so overwhelming that I have no choice but to work on the weekend – A top ten Anna no no. Here is what proSEXtination used to look like: By Friday, I would stock up red wine and drink half of it. Before my … Continue reading
My husband looked over my shoulder as I typed incessantly. “How many short stories are you going to write? You’re like Tupac.” What? Tupac? How does a country music fanatic like my husband know anything about Tupac? My husband is also a documentary nut. He watches anything as long as it’s documentary style. According to … Continue reading
more than vibrators, wine, & television 